Since the dawn of humanity, people have been caring for their own dead. And in all 50 states, it is still within the family’s right to do just that—no funeral homes necessary to lay your loved one to rest. But how does a home funeral work? Here are the basics.
Prep
Begin preparing the body swiftly. After death, rigor mortis will start to set in within a few hours, hitting a peak at about hour six. (Muscles relax after about 24 hours.) To start, give the decedent a gentle sponge bath. “That’s a time that families connect with their loved one,” says Meghan Herrera, a death doula with Graceful Transcendence. “It’s more about honoring. It’s a very sacred, very beautiful thing to just have that moment.” After patting the body dry, you may choose to anoint the body with essential oils or hydrate the skin with a high-emollient lotion. Some choose to place a diaper on the body in case of purging, though Herrera has found that using a leak-proof chuck pad has sufficed. Push the jaw closed; if it slacks open, tie a ribbon or handkerchief around the head. Push the eyelids down and the lower lids up to close the eyes. Home funeral advocate Jim Bates placed quarters over his father’s eyes to keep them shut.
Ice Up
To slow the decomposition process, you’ll need to cool the body while also keeping it dry. You can use frozen gel packs from your local hardware store or dry ice (about 25 pounds per day), which is stocked by grocery stores such as Kroger. (To prevent burning, be sure to use leather or cryogenic gloves when handling dry ice.) Another option: Techni Ice dry ice packs, which are used by funeral homes and you can order online ahead of time. Wrap the gel packs or dry ice in towels, then place them under the small of the back and neck and on top of the abdomen. Refresh regularly. “That’s what my kids and my grandkids did, helping lift the body up a little bit, putting some more dry ice on, and they’d be talking to Grandpa,” Bates says.
Get Dressed
Dress the decedent in the clothes they wanted to wear, or wrap them in a burial shroud. You may choose to keep the decedent in a bed for a viewing and ceremony or place them in the box in which they’ll be buried. Bates planned ahead and bought a “cowboy box,” a simple pine casket sans nails from a craftsman in New Mexico, but options abound online—everything from pine to biodegradable wicker to simple cardboard caskets. Rituals and ceremonies are a personal choice. Catholics may call clergy in to perform last rites. You can also give family a meaningful activity, such as decorating a cardboard casket or writing letters to bury with their loved one, while taking turns saying goodbye to the decedent in the other room.
Complete the Paperwork
The one-page report of death document (VS-115) on the Texas Department of State Health Services website should be printed and filed with the registrar in the Vital Statistics office within 24 hours of death. (The city of Dallas office is in the J. Erik Jonsson Central Library.) The registrar will enter info into the electronic TxEVER system and give you paperwork to complete the death certificate, which has to be certified by the decedent’s doctor, a medical examiner, or justice of the peace and turned in within 10 days. Bates himself had trouble chasing down his father’s MD. “The death certificate is a real hassle, but it’s a hassle for everybody,” he says. Note: be sure to make a copy of the report of death before handing it over, and keep it with you at all times while driving the body to the burial ground. If you get pulled over for, say, a burned-out taillight, the document serves as a transport permit. “Because bad guys don’t fill out forms,” Bates says.
Bury the Body
While Texas allows for burial on private property, Dallas City Code does not. Bates has arranged for his own remains to rest eternally on a friend’s ranch near Terlingua. If you have private land, he says it’s best to designate a portion of it as a cemetery in advance and file the paperwork with the county clerk to prevent any questions of foul play down the road. (Printouts are available at fcant.org.) As for burial logistics, the Texas Administrative Code dictates that a body in a permeable material, such as one wrapped in a shroud, should have 2 feet of earth between body and ground surface. With an impermeable container, such as a wood casket, the depth must be 18 inches. That will thwart critters and allow your loved one to rest in peace.
For more detailed instructions, visit homefuneralalliance.org for a free, printable guidebook.
This story originally appeared in the November issue of D Magazine. Write to holland@dmagazine.com.
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