Now that you’re in the ACC, who has given you the most trouble? Otto the Orange can be really unpleasant on Facebook after he’s had a few. And everyone has heard the rumors about the Stanford Tree. Well, look—when we brought the whole ACC gang into town on July 1 for that big “welcome to Big D” lovefest at Happiest Hour, it was a party! I will tell you that Otto wasn’t alone in knocking ’em back at the bar. And cut the guy some slack. His school tried to replace him with a wolf back in 1995. Tree is a cool breeze and actually volunteered to be the designated driver. That’s huge. Just don’t ask Tree for directions. That rumor you mentioned? Tree got lost in a park.
How weird is it that Stanford is in the Atlantic Coast Conference with you guys? No stranger than having 16 schools in the Big 12, right? Really, location is just a state of mind. Just ask UT Dallas.
Do you miss the old Southwest Conference? Hey, if the Boss can sing “Glory Days,” I’ll pick up the chorus. Yeah, it was great—going toe to toe with the old SWC gang, the way brothers can love and hate each other all at the same time. But I am not living in the past. Why should I? Life is good! We’re going to fill the Ford! And think about ACC basketball season. Can you imagine what it’s going to feel like when we rock Moody Coliseum for a game against Duke or UNC or dare I mention your alma mater, Tim? Notre Dame?
Dale Hansen’s reporting led to SMU’s death penalty from the NCAA in 1987. If you could get Dale alone in your stall for 30 minutes—no repercussions—what would you do or say to him? Dale who? I think we know who launched that guy’s career. The real question is: what should he say to me? I think the correct response would be “Thank you, Peruna. Thank you.”
Mister Ed, Trigger, or Wildfire? Aren’t you forgetting about Spirit? We Mustangs have to stick together. But Ed, definitely Ed. Never saw Wilbur ride him, did you?
Do you have any regrets from that day in 1932 when you kicked the Fordham Ram in the head and killed him? Call of the wild, man. That Ram got up in my business. Mistakes were made, but being known as the deadliest mascot in the NCAA does have a certain cachet.
Do you get recognized often when you’re out in public? It’s amazing what a pair of dark glasses can do for you. But seriously, I’m all about the brand. I am nothing if not a horse of the people. High fives, hugs, hoof bumps, selfies—I’m down for all of it. Just don’t ask to climb on my back. Now that we’ve joined the ACC, when I walk through NorthPark, I get more attention than Santa Claus.
At the risk of sounding woke, do you think it’s time we retire the phrase “beat a dead horse”? Really? That’s all you’ve got?
I know you didn’t pick your name, which was taken from a tonic that supposedly cured “female weakness” but most people just drank during Prohibition because it contained a lot of alcohol. Have you ever thought about changing it? No way. It’s part of the mythology! Since it’s unique, it’s great for my Google ranking. And it’s a handle with a little kick. Appropriate, don’t you think?
If you haven’t considered a change, but I forced you, what name would you pick? I guess Pegasus is off the table?
Are we going to see you in Charlotte, North Carolina, on December 7? I’ve already booked my plane ticket! But the real question for you, dear Tim, is when are we going to see you and your D Mag readers at Ford Stadium? The fun for the whole family starts three hours before kickoff, and grownups don’t want to miss happy hour on the East Plaza near the Doak Walker statue 90 minutes before game time. Pony up!
This story originally appeared in the November issue of D Magazine with the headline “Horsing Around.” Write to timr@dmagazine.com.
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